Friday, May 14, 2010

Extreme Pizza - San Francisco, CA

The second guest blogger is Harshly. He is well known for interviewing celebrities. Here's a link to his blog, Chip Wilson's Interviews with Big Celebrities.

Extreme Pizza - San Francisco, CA
Original review written by Sharon U.
>>>Critical response by Harshly

My boyfriend and I are a pain in the royal ass when it comes to food. He's got celiacs and i'm allergic to dairy. Boring! And the one thing we can never order is pizza.

>>>I am starting to think that individuals suffering from digestive disorders or diseases which cause conflict with their dietary choices may have a compulsion to force this fact into the beginning of every conversation they participate in. At this point I'd like to point out that there are probably many things you "can never order". Simply amazing how one word like "can" totally makes you look like an ass.

Until now folks!

>>>A new paragraph for this exclamation. Fantastic. Just fantastic.

Extreme Pizza now has really good gluten free pizza crust that you can get delivered pretty much anywhere in the City. You can only get it in the 12" size which my boyfriend ate all in one night he loved it so much. Oh and they have great soy cheese too.

>>>The first thing that strikes me is that your boyfriend evidently consumed the entire pizza (all in one night he loved it so much) yet here you are the one authoring this horrible review. Please keep in mind that readers would like to know the opinions of patrons who actually put food from the establishment being reviewed into their mouths, not reviews written by people who watched others eat the food.

Over all the pizza here is pretty good but their willingness to accommodate all kinds of dietary needs and still taste pretty darn good (ever had Amy's Rice Crust Pizza? It's so G-Ross our German friend who eats ANYTHING couldn't even finish it) is huge. Thanks corporate pizza place!

>>>The first sentence of this next "paragraph" literally caused my eyes to vomit blood. Read it out loud. I am literally at a loss as to where I should start on this. I feel like I've just been asked to restore life to a cadaver.

I guess the statement starts out fine. The tone is a touch too conversational, but "and still taste pretty darn good" looks suspiciously like the end of the thought. Unfortunately, upon backtracking, you remember there was something back at "but their willingness..." which alluded to something more. It is at this point I realize that the parenthetical thought is what truly puts the kill shot into this sentence. A quick question to start things off, some strange e-thug script concerning "G-Ross", and then a passively insulting remark about the unquestionable appetites of German people.

Finally, we have the predicate. Both words of it. After this literary abortion has been splattered across my awareness the paragraph ends with a shout out to "corporate pizza place". Was this a sarcastic high five to Amy's Rice Crust Pizza? I guess the far reaching tentacles of this corporate beast have yet to reached my hometown. Or did you actually forget the name of the establishment you were writing a review for?

I guess I'm not surprised by the ambiguity.

Oh and if you're ordering online - put Gluten Free Crust Please! in the comments section. I think it costs $4 extra but your gluten free friends will love you for it.

>>>I suppose an unprofessional beginning to a review requires an unprofessional ending. Here is an interesting fact about Celiac Disease. Approximately 2 million people in the United States has it or about 1 in 133. I suppose if myself and 132 of my closest friends are sitting around thinking about ordering pizza, it would be easy to collect the 4 dollar fee for customizing the crust. Thanks for the propaganda.

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