Costina's - Springfield, OR

Original review written by Annie T.

It's always exciting to go to a new restaurant in town, especially in Albany! (Have ya'll ever been to Albany?! Okay, I shouldn't knock a town that I chose to spend my time in...)

>>> I already don't like you. You are from Oregon, you are hereby disallowed to use the word "y'all."

My significant other took me there last night... here is my story:

>>> If anyone can take anything from this blog, it is to please stop overusing the Ellipsis. It was created as a suspension point between two thoughts, and often used to display dramatic tension or emphasis. There is nothing that is being "unsaid" in that last statement, so please discontinue use of it.

I'm a huge fan of Italian food. Bread, pasta, creamy calorie filled sauces. Did I mention pasta?!

>>> Yes, you did mention pasta. Oh, that was rhetorical. What a funny joke. Your colloquial stream of consciousness might do you well in conversation (though I doubt it), but please refrain from using it as a writing tool.

Tortellini = YUM. And I wonder why I have a slight weight problem!

>>> Getting too personal in your review is the first lesson you learn in any critical response seminar or class. We, the readers, don't give a shit about you, the critic, as a person. We want the information on the restaurant, not your personal life.

Carino's serves delicious fresh bread once you are seated, it's accompanied with garlic and olive oil, a very good combo in my book!

>>> Again, we don't care about you, or your book. Please keep yourself out of the review.

Soup or salad is served with entrees - I selected the garlic potato soup since it's a personal favourite.

>>> Wait, are you British, or Southern?

However, I think Campbell's Soup makes it better. I was less than impressed. However, the salad looked good - I'll select that next time.

>>> I think we can gather that you were "less than impressed" when you state that "Campbell's Soup makes it better."

Appetizers - kinda strange selection for an Italian joint. Nachos is (sic) something you'd see at Red Robin or Apple Bee's. But I guess variety is a good thing?

>>> Is that a rhetorical question?

We went with the Fire Sticks since all the waitresses (more on that later!) were pushing them on all unsuspecting customers.

>>> More on that later? My eyes bleed. Are you going to tell us more about the waitresses or the "Fire Sticks?" If it about the waitresses, what context are you providing? Should we be expecting good things about these waitresses, or bad things. Since you have a "slight weight problem," I would assume the latter.

And oh. my. goodness. They were amazing. Amazing. I'll just get an order of Fire Stick (sic) next time for dinner - and not share with anyone.

>>> I am less and less wondering why you have a "slight weight problem."

Dinner - ahhh, still not sure what I think of it.

>>> Fantastic, I am sure the people who spend millions of dollars marketing and franchising this restaurant are excited to read this critical response.

I ordered the Cheese Tortellini and added chicken for $3. However, the chicken was (sic) very thin strips and I had to search for them. I (sic) not picky when it comes to chicken, but I definitely wasn't impressed.

>>> I need more clarity here. Was the only problem with the chicken the quantity? Or was the quality in question as well? I know you not picky, but what specifically were you unimpressed with?

The tortellini itself was okay. Not the best, not the worst. The sauce didn't look appealing, however tasted okay.

>>> These two sentences (if you can call them that) portray no actual information about anything. Also, for any future reviewers, the word "okay" is not a specific enough adjective to describe your experiences.

They go skimpy on the parmesan cheese that gets freshly grated on top at the table - after 20 seconds of grating cheese any person would feel like it's time to say stop. However so little cheese was coming out! Give me cheese people!!

>>> I think I understand the joke at the beginning of the review now: "And I wonder why I have a slight weight problem!", you assume we all know you personally and read your reviews. Having read this far in, I now see that you can't stop talking about the quantity of food you ingest. I would imagine this is a "slight" theme in your reviews.

Waitresses: Okay, I'm a little chubby. Not too chubby, just got a few extra pounds, noooo big deal. My man loves me the way I am. Blah blah blah.

>>> What in the name of God just happened to this review? I want to let any readers know I do not edit around long reviews, I let them stand on their own. Each awkward word and sentence shines in its own mediocrity. And who, Annie, are you trying to convince about your size? I think the phrase "Blah blah blah" is the most apt thing I have read so far.

I'm not jealous of the skinny-minis, I love my food and I don't like to work out.

>>> Welcome to America.

There was not one single overweight waitress/hostess/chef in the joint - pretty strange if you ask me, but whatever.

>>> Let's assume you are making a comment about people who serve quality food being skinny, i.e. not eating enough of the food they prepare. Should we assume that everyone else has as little of control over eating as you do? To such an extent that its "pretty strange" if they don't?

But ohhhh my did they flirt with my man!!

>>> Ah, this must be the "more about that later!" you promised us.

Yes, he's hot. That's an established fact in my book -

>>> Your book might be missing a few pages.

but to google him with your eyes and undress him every single time you walk by? Uh, no.

>>> This has to be the most confusing part of this review. I think the word you're searching for is "ogle." However, the idea of a waitress "googling" someone with her eyes is a fascinating thought. Also, am I to assume you mean the waitresses undressed your man with their eyes? Because as written, it is unclear.

Not acceptable. Blatant smiles and staring? Not acceptable when you're working.

>>> Perfectly acceptable off the job.

I stayed quite (sic) until he asked - why are they all staring at me? We laughed it off and had a nice evening,

>>> Yes I can tell it didn't bother you at all.

but seriously? Look, but don't stare AND smile.

>>> So staring or smiling would be appropriate, but not at the same time? I just want to be clear about your rules, in case I see your man, and need to act appropriately.

Next time, if we ever go back, I will ask to speak to management. Ladies, he's going home with me.

>>> God help him. I have to point out it has been quiet (sic) a while since we have heard anything about the restaurant.

Overall, I'd rather eat at Olive Garden. Or Taco Bell.

>>> Checkmate. You should have written this at the top of your review, so we wouldn't have to suffer through it.

But I do thank my love for taking me out on a fun date! Love ya :)

>>> No Annie, thank you! Has the modern review become a hip-hop song with a "shout out" section at the end? Don't answer that Annie, its rhetorical.

Perhaps I should end on a serious note? Pastini is by far the best pasta joint - it's worth the drive up I-5. Happy Eatings!!

>>> I fear after this review Annie, I am not going to be taking your advice on anything, except maybe on how to express my need for attention in a thinly veiled attempt to review a restaurant.